ZOMBIE 2 (1979)

Aka “Zombie”
Director: Lucio Fulci

Synopsis: A young woman, accompanied by a reporter, travels to the tropical island of Matul to try to find out what happened to her scientist dad, who was there researching zombies. Predictably, the zombie epidemic there has gotten out of control and our group of heroes must fight their way off the island.

My take: Since this was made at the same time as Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, it is hard not to compare the two, and DotD wins without question. While Romero’s DotD features some redeeming level of social commentary, Fulci’s Zombie is just low-budget trashiness with little thought behind it, seemingly focused only on bursts of gratuitous gore and nudity in between long, boring stretches of nothing happening.


Zombie is very flawed and full of missed opportunities – there is no exploration of the voodoo cause vs. infection cause for the epidemic, this could have been interesting. The zombie behavior is very inconsistent, the continuity is terrible, the gore effects are pretty bad (most of the zombies look like the actors were just smeared with oatmeal and fake blood). For these reasons, Zombie has not stood the test of time as well as Dawn of the Dead. However, there is a nice twist at the end and some fun bits along the way (although I’m not sure they were intended to be quite so amusing – for example, I enjoy when the heroes try using fire to stop the zombies but end up being chased by flaming zombies instead).

Best Scene: Zombie vs. Shark. Very well done and original. Runner up: Eye vs. Sharp Piece of Wood.


Nominee for Worst DVD Extra: The “Food for the Worms” feature, consisting solely of an extensive interview with actor Captain Haggerty who played “Fat Zombie on Boat”. This lard-ass who had maybe 30 seconds of screen time rambles on and on about his former career as a dog trainer, why he chose ‘Captain’ as his acting name, and how he doesn’t recall much about the filming of the movie. Great stuff.

1 out of 4 Zombie Faces

DEEP RED (1975)

aka "Profondo Rosso"
Director: Dario Argento

Synopsis: A British jazz musician in Italy witnesses the murder of a famous psychic through the window of her apartment. As more people start turning up dead, the musician teams with a reporter to solve the crime before the murderer gets him.


My take: I have seen this movie several times in the past, but I re-watched it to do this review and found myself not enjoying it as much as I used to. The major problem I had with it this time around were the lengthy, somewhat boring stretches between killings that mainly focus on the relationship of the musician and the reporter. While this provides a little humor and light-heartedness to a movie full of murder, it also makes the movie feel excessively long (this refers to the 126 minute version, I understand there are shorter versions that trim down the slow stuff). The things I have always loved about the movie are still there – the plot is one of Argento’s most coherent, the killings are great, and there are many wonderful visual moments throughout the film. And my favorite thing about it is the creepy way that you are shown the killer’s identity early on, where you might notice it on an almost subconscious level, but aren’t sure. It freaked me out the first time I saw the movie and it still freaks me out after multiple viewings. So, while the movie doesn’t work for me as well as it used to, it still has many strong points and is one of Argento’s better works.

Body count: 6 + a lizard + a bird

Best Death: So many to choose from, these are what really makes the movie –
• Throat impaled on broken glass
• Drowned in scalding, boiling hot water
• Dragged behind a garbage truck and then head run over
• Decapitated by an elevator
I can’t decide.

2 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

THEM (2006)

aka "Ils"
Directors: David Moreau and Xavier Palud

Synopsis: The French being determined to make a good horror movie, Ils, or Them, shows the supposedly true story of a young couple terrorized by a group of intruders at their country home.

My take: Let's begin with what is wrong with this film -
1. The story is too formulaic, offering only a slightly different twist to this genre. The concept of Them is much like Funny Games, only without the anti-violence message. The twist to the story is kind of intriguing, but the scares are not really all that original.
2. Also like Funny Games, the couple here is pretty ineffective. They don't really attempt to fight back against their attackers. How the husband manages to get stabbed in the ass by a broken glass door and thus incapacitate himself for the rest of the film is beyond me.
3. The couple deserves everything that happens to them for owning this particular house. It is the perfect horror movie house with its long, spooky hallways, its remote woodland location, construction area complete with hanging plastic sheets, and the extensive underground system of poorly lit tunnels under their house.
4. This was too short for a movie, and alot of it was filler material. With some more judicious editing, this would clock in at under an hour.
5. I didn't need the 'where are they now' stuff at the end - this is just a cheap way of avoiding actually showing the end of the story.

But, maybe I'm being overly critical. Them was a damn scary movie at times, fun to watch in the dark with a bunch of easily frightened friends. The opening sequence was fairly intense. There are no monsters, nothing supernatural, just pure, realistic terror, the kind of stuff that makes you want to run out and buy a gun.

Body count: 7

Moron Award: The woman is being held down and molested(?) by 2 attackers. The husband kills one of them and then the couple trusts the other one when he says he won't hurt them and wants to help them gets away?

2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

THE PSYCHIC (1977)

aka "Seven Notes in Black"
Director: Lucio Fulci

Synopsis: A woman who has had psychic flashes in the past has a jumbled up vision of a dead body buried in the wall of her new husband's country mansion. She tears out the wall and finds the body. From there, she attempts to piece together her vision in order to find the real killer.

My take: While this didn't start off that promising (the opening sequence is definitely lacking, see the cheesy image of falling mannequin below), things pick up shortly after. Unlike many of the giallo films from this time period, the plot actually works here, there are several nice twists that keep you interested. The use of the woman's psychic vision provides a strong level of suspense as pieces of what she saw early on start falling into place. There isn't much gore (what? a mostly bloodless giallo?), but there are plenty of thrills in the murder mystery. Feels like a cross between Hitchcock's Vertigo and an Edgar Allan Poe story. Some bits of it could have been scarier but the fault here lies in the dated production techniques, requiring the viewer to look past its age and just enjoy the story. The direction is nice, fairly artistic with a slight hint of Argento's visual style. The ending could have been flashier I suppose - rather than an intense confrontation with the killer, we get a close-up on a piece of furniture. Regardless, I am encouraged to see more of Fulci's work.
3 out of 4 Zombie Faces

OLDBOY (2003)

Director: Chan-wook Park

Synopsis: While out drinking one night, a man gets kidnapped and imprisoned in a small room for 15 years. One day he is suddenly released and he begins an obsessive quest for vengeance - he tries to uncover who was behind his imprisonment and why - but it turns out the kidnapper has further plans for him...
My take: I decided to check this one out because of all the hype about it being the film that 'inspired' the Virginia Tech shootings in 2007. The power of the media to influence behavior is a no-brainer, but it is such a leap to blame a film for one individual's depraved actions. However, this is a discussion for elsewhere. Oldboy is certainly well-reviewed and has won lots of awards, so I thought it was worth a shot. Not really having been familiar with Asian cinema at the time that I first saw this, it was definitely not what I expected. There were many WTF moments, especially early on due to the stylish but abrupt editing and probably because of language issues (it felt like I was watching a Dario Argento story for a while). The plot was pretty far-fetched and disorganized and the acting wasn't great, but the overall package was very interesting. It did hit on the revenge theme in a more thoughtful way than I anticipated. I didn't think it was very violent at all - little is shown on-screen and even then, its never extra-gory. I don't really see the VA Tech connection, but as I said, that was a single, depraved mind. Oldboy is the center of the director's Vengeance trilogy (Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance being the other two) - people rave about Oldboy being the best, but I actually thought the the other two were far better.

Most disgusting thing I've seen in a movie, ever: When the main character eats a live octopus. This is apparently fairly common in Korean restaurants, but still...
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone."

2 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

ALIVE (2002)

Director: Ryuhei Kitamura

Synopsis: A death row inmate survives the electric chair and is given a choice; either undergo another attempt at execution or subject himself to a series of strange psychological experiments. He chooses the experiments. It turns out that they are really testing an alien virus that is drawn to/feeds off murderous impulses within the host and ultimately takes away the host's humanity. Oh yeah, it also gives you super powers.
My Take: This one was ok while they are conducting the experiments on the prisoner, his interactions with the other prisoner test-subject are pretty cool; but, once the balance shifts from horror/suspense to bad sci-fi, I lost interest. The alien virus premise is just plain ridiculous. Director Kitamura's style is hard to describe - it has earned him a strong cult following, but this is the second movie I've seen of his and I haven't cared for either one. It has the feel of a 2-hour long MTV video, with lots of shiny, flashy stuff, constant techno music, and not much dialogue, just people standing around, posing for the camera. Both of the Kitamura movies I've seen (Aragami being the other) go to great lengths to build up anticipation for big fight scenes that turn out just to be mediocre. The big climax here involves the main prisoner battling a character that is suddenly introduced right before the fight - a monster infected with the virus. Actually, its just some guy wearing a really bad costume and lots of CGI blur to cover it up. There are a few darkly humorous moments, but I recommend you avoid this one, or at least watch it at 2x speed, you won't miss anything.

1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: INCIDENT ON AND OFF A MOUNTAIN ROAD (2005)

Director: Don Coscarelli

Synopsis: A woman crashes into a disabled car on a remote mountain road. While trying to get help, she is captured by the monster-like serial killer, Moonface. Using survival skills she learned from her wacko ex-husband, the woman surprises Moonface by actually fighting back.

My take: Despite a clunky title, Incident is well-directed and deserves much credit for this. Coscarelli provides us with a very slick and polished film here, with good atmosphere and nicely done storytelling as it switches between past and present. Some of the woman's MacGyver traps seem a bit far-fetched, but maybe I'm just being picky. As a villain, Moonface is ok, but without knowing any of his background, he just comes across as a second-tier movie creature like Pumpkinhead or Leprechaun. Overall though, Incident presents you with a pretty terrifying situation and a nice twist at the end.

Worst First Date: After he talks about wanting to go on a mass murdering spree and then discusses 5 year old prostitutes in Thailand, you think he's charming and you sleep with him? Maybe a bad idea?

2 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)

Director: Wes Craven

Synopsis: A group of high school kids is tormented with nightmarish dreams all involving the same creepy man with knives for fingers, whom we come to know as Freddy Krueger. When the kids start dying in their sleep, it is up to one girl, Nancy, to learn the truth about Freddy and stop his killing spree, only she can't go to sleep or she will be Freddy's next victim.


My take: Without much effort, one could detail a number of flaws in this horror staple, as it was made nearly 25 years ago. The killings, maybe with the exception of the first girl being thrown around on the ceiling, don't really come across as being that shocking or scary nowadays. As the franchise hadn't really gotten going yet, Robert Enguld hadn't really fleshed out the Freddy character, he wasn't as smart-mouthed as he is in the sequels; he was more just the silent, stalking type. And the final showdown with Freddy, it does get kind of silly. But, Nightmare on Elm St. is still a classic of the genre that deserves respect. Maybe due in part to the nostalgia of being terrified of it as a little kid, I have been able to rewatch and enjoy this film many times in my life. The sequels...eh, maybe not so much.

Favorite Freddy Moment: When Nancy is on the phone in her dream and the telephone turns into Freddy's mouth and he tries slipping her the tongue.

2 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: PRO-LIFE (2006)

Director: John Carpenter

Synopsis: A 15 year-old girl ends up at an abortion clinic seeking help for an unwanted pregnancy. The girl's father is a religious fanatic who storms the clinic with the help of his 3 sons just as the doctors discover that the baby's father is not of this world.

My take: Carpenter shows off his masterful touch from the beginning of this episode, with its dream-like opening and instant plunge into intensity. The pace keeps building steadily due in large part to actor Ron Perlman's excellent portrayal of the religious nutjob. Carpenter channels his work on The Thing when the baby is born, this is pretty cool. But, the premise falls apart when the demonic father of the baby shows up. I would have been content for him not to show his face because it looked kind of goofy, just some dude in a costume. When the demon holds his dead baby and gets all sad, this is just terrible. And to top it off, we never see what becomes of Perlman, the episode's villain. Things just end after the demon leaves. Such a strong episode, ruined by a lame ending. Like his other episode, Cigarette Burns, I give Carpenter credit for pushing the boundaries here, taking on a very controversial topic in an edgy way.
Worst acting: The head doctor. He's a complete jerk and he doesn't seem worried that religious fanatics are coming at him with guns, he just gets cocky and goes commando all of a sudden.

Best line: "God wants you to kill my baby!"

1 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

HAZE (2005)

Director: Shinya Tsukamoto

Synopsis: A man awakens in a cramped concrete tunnel, barely able to move, with a bad wound to his abdomen and no memory of who or where he is. Most of this 45 minute film is him working his way through the tunnel, around various painful obstacles, trying to find a way out and remember what is going on.

My take: Tsukamoto does it again! While this hard-to-find film (I finally discovered it streaming online) may seem similar in plot to some other films, no one can do this stuff like Tsukamoto. This has to be one of the most unsettling things I’ve seen in a long time, mainly due to the claustrophobic way Tsukamoto shot it. You can barely see anything, making it hard to figure out what is happening at times, but this is the point, it makes the main character’s ordeal all the more terrifying. The lack of visibility enhances the jarring use of sound. The whole way through I was worrying about the ending, that things would not get wrapped up in a satisfactory way. Unfortunately, this turned out to be the case, very little is explained by the ending and I was kind of angry about this. But, after a day or two to reflect, maybe it wasn’t as ambiguous as I first thought. However, the fact that I’m still thinking about this pleasantly uncomfortable film days later is a plus in my book.

3 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: RIGHT TO DIE (2007)

Director: Rob Schmidt

Synopsis: A dentist is faced with the tough choice of whether or not to pull the plug on his comatose wife after a bad car accident. His decision changes as he becomes tormented by the retribution-seeking ghostly spirit of his wife.

My take: I am enjoying these Twilight Zone/Tales from the Crypt style MoH episodes (Right to Die, Chocolate, Pick Me Up) much more than the ridiculous zombie/vampire episodes (Haeckel’s Tale, Dance of the Dead, Dreams in the Witch-House), I think they are much more suspenseful and interesting to watch. This episode proceeded very well most of the way, providing a good mix of nightmarish gore and mystery. However, things do start falling apart towards the end ***SPOILERS*** with the re-imagining of the car crash and the do-it-yourself skin graft. Overall though, it was entertaining for an hour. The potentially controversial right-to-die issues really don't come in to play much here, it exists as more of just a background story to the supernatural occurances.

Favorite Part: The woman’s grisly body crawling around was pretty cool and creepy.

Body count: 3

2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: HAECKEL'S TALE (2006)

Director: John McNaughton

Synopsis: Dashing young med student Ernst Haeckel obsesses over his quest to raise the dead. When science fails him, he turns to black magic. He falls in love with a woman who has also employed these methods to raise a loved one from the dead and becomes embroiled in her strange situation.

My take: This MoH installment did not impress me at all, it offered no new take on the ‘raise the dead’ scheme and really wasn’t that interesting. The dialogue was terrible, the story was pointless and fairly boring with many unnecessary scenes and subplots that go nowhere. Everything was just plain unremarkable, and the climax…this left me feeling cheated – I wasted an hour to learn that the girl is really just a big zombie whore? Big deal, so zombies have needs too. Why did they even make this episode?

Body count: 3 humans and a zombie dog (repeatedly)


Science questions arising from this episode: If a zombie male gets a non-zombie female pregnant, will the baby always be a zombie? Wouldn’t it be mixed? Why does the zombie baby never grow in this episode? Do all dead pedophiles drip with green goo?

0 out of 4 Zombie Faces

DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)

Director: George Romero

Synopsis: Following the zombie outbreak in Night of the Living Dead, two soldiers, a helicopter pilot, and the pilot’s girlfriend flee from the city and turn a shopping mall into a bunker for themselves. The movie traces their attempts to survive, protecting themselves from the zombies and later a mob of looters.


My take: From the chaos of the TV studio at the beginning, all the way to the very end, this film keeps you engaged. Romero’s zombie movies are generally praised for their use of the medium as social satire/commentary in the way that different types of people react and the societal madness that would follow such an epidemic. The group of survivors followed here is a good mix – they make some missteps, but overall they act pretty rationally. This is what is genuinely entertaining, watching them strategize and then execute their plans within the mall. There are a few corny parts (i.e. the pie fight, or Peter’s heroic rally at the end to A-Team-esque music, dropkicking zombies in a frenzy on his way to the helicopter), but overall this is probably the best done zombie movie out there.

Best Death: The zombie that gets the top of his head lopped off by the helicopter blade.

3 out of 4 Zombie Faces

EVIL DEAD 2 (1987)

Director: Sam Raimi

Synopsis: Ash (Bruce Campbell reprising his role from the first Evil Dead movie) takes his girlfriend to a secluded cabin in the woods where they find a recording of a professor reciting passages from the Book of the Dead. This unleashes an evil force that kills Ash’s girlfriend and turns her into a zombie. Trapped in the cabin, Ash must fight off demonic possession and/or madness with the help of the professor’s daughter and some locals.

My take: Full of classic moments, this has to be one of the funnest movies to watch that I know of. Only Bruce Campbell could have played the role of Ash, he is able to entertain with the low budget props and oddball storyline. I enjoyed how they made Ash go nuts early on, I think this is a realistic angle most horror movies don’t cover – if your girlfriend becomes possessed and you cut off her head, I think most people would lose it. Visually, this is a very weird film – the special effects are cheesy, but appropriate to the style of the film. It would be terrible if it was done with today’s top-of-the-line CGI. The simple plot gets a nice twist at the end to set up another sequel.

Favorite scene: Ash fighting his possessed hand.

3 out of 4 Zombie Faces

SWAMP THING (1982)

Director: Wes Craven

Synopsis: Plant researcher Alec Holland is thought to have died in a lab explosion caused by rival scientist Arcane and his militia. But, Alec survives the attack, transformed into a half-human, half-plant creature known as the Swamp Thing. Swamp Thing has a series of battles with Arcane and his goons who are trying to learn a secret formula from Holland’s research.

My take: This has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not even for nostalgic value. I remember liking this movie as a kid and even getting scared during a few scenes, but with the developments in movie technology over the last 25 years, I have trouble watching this kind of stuff. The special effects in general are awful, and Swamp Thing’s rubber suit is just plain goofy. The story is so full of ridiculous, clichéd 80’s plot devices; I can’t believe people bought into it, even back then. Most of all, I am upset that they chose to do a silly, campy adaptation of one of the best-written, least campy comic books out there. Swamp Thing would only feel right as a really dark horror movie.

Worst leading lady, ever: Adrienne Barbeau is not leading lady material. The perpetual sneer she has on her face throughout the movie just really irks me.

1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: IMPRINT (2006)

Director: Takashi Miike

Synopsis: An American journalist is traveling through Japan in the 1800’s, searching for the love of his life, Komomo, whom he had to abandon years prior. He ends up in a creepy brothel with a deformed prostitute who knew Komomo and she reveals Komomo's sad and gruesome fate to the American.

My take: Like many great directors, Miike repeats himself with Imprint, using some of the same themes and motifs he’s covered before. It is definitely a mash-up of elements from Audition, Box, and his mentor Tsukamoto’s Gemini, but it is done from a new and unique perspective. Imprint is undoubtedly the most talked about episode of the MoH series, and for good reason, but people's opinions are generally mixed. The climax is either the boldest, most innovative sequence I’ve seen in a very long time, or it is the worst crap ever, I can’t decide, even after several viewings. However, one thing is undeniable – this film sticks with you, which is often what Miike sets out to do. As horrible as it is, you cannot turn away. Imprint is not for the squeamish. If the abundance of aborted fetuses isn’t enough, the infamous torture scenes go on for way too long. The acting is also not for the squeamish. Miike's only restriction was no subtitles – the only English-speaking member of the cast (Billy Drago) is frequently criticized for his acting here, with much justification. But, the acting problems are just so insignificant in light of what Imprint is. Must be seen to be believed, yet my feelings overall are still mixed.
3 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: CHOCOLATE (2005)

Director: Mick Garris

Synopsis: A recently divorced and lonely food researcher starts having strange hallucinations where he is sensing things through the body of a beautiful female artist/murderer. As these visions get worse, he goes on an obsessive quest to find out who this woman is.

My take: This episode has taken a lot of criticism for not really being horror – I thought it was. Randomly losing your own vision, hearing, etc. and experiencing these senses through someone else’s body would be pretty damn terrifying if you ask me. When you mix in the element of murder and the mystery of trying to locate the woman, you end up with what I felt was a thrilling episode. Maybe it was slow at first, maybe there wasn’t a whole lot of blood and gore, but it was a solid story, and it was well acted by Elliot from E.T., all grown up now. My only complaints were an unnecesary shower masturbation scene, and the abrupt ending, but I can’t really think of a better way to wrap it up.

Body Count: 2

2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: PICK ME UP (2006)

Director: Larry Cohen

Synopsis: A bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere in Washington state. The passengers are taken out one-by-one as two separate serial killers happen to converge on the area.

My take: This one turned out to be pretty entertaining – the concept of two serial killers trying to one-up each other was fun to watch. The entire way through, you are guessing how it will turn out, which killer will prevail, and the ending does not disappoint. While it has some frightening moments, the overall tone is more humorous. Michael Moriarity in the role of the truck driver serial killer really ends up stealing the show. The rest of the acting is very uneven though, the people that play the victims are just terrible. While not extraordinary, this episode was enjoyable.

Body Count: 9 plus a rattlesnake

Best Death: The bus driver gets strangled to death with aforementioned rattlesnake. I don’t think that’s been done before, although wasn’t quite as cool as it sounds like it would be.

2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: DREAMS IN THE WITCH-HOUSE (2005)

Director: Stuart Gordon

Synopsis: A grad student in physics moves into a creepy old apartment house to finish his thesis. Soon after, he starts having weird and vivid nightmares about witches and talking rats that progressively get worse until he is sleepwalking and trying to kill his neighbor’s baby.

My take: Nothing too special here. Starts off with all the generic haunted house type scares, but once things get crazier, its absurd that the guy stays in the house. Any normal person would have left to find a crappy room to rent elsewhere. The rat with a human face is really, really stupid (see screenshot). This one was adapted from an HP Lovecraft story, and it definitely has that kind of feel to it. Most of director Gordon’s filmography consists of Lovecraft adaptations, but I can’t say that any of them are really that great. Still, this is a little bit of a different style tale than most of the MoH series and was mildly interesting.
Most shocking moment: I’ve never seen a movie where they show someone stab a baby in the neck.

Body count: 4

1 out of 4 Zombie Faces

NIGHT OF THE HUNTER (1955)

NIGHT OF THE HUNTER (1955)
Director: Charles Laughton

Synopsis: Harry Powell (a lunatic con-man/murderer that believes God is talking to him and telling him to kill skanky women) shares a cell with a bank robber and learns about $10,000 the man hid with his wife and 2 young kids. Powell gets out of prison after his cell mate is executed and seduces the bank robber’s wife, trying to force the kids to reveal where the money is hidden.

My take: Night of the Hunter is a film of opposites – beyond the classic LOVE and HATE tattooed on Powell’s fingers. It mixes a kind of disturbing horror that hadn’t been seen before with smiley, goofy scenes that belong in It’s a Wonderful Life or garbage like that. Powell’s character alternates between intensely terrifying and ridiculously acted, especially in his conversations with God. I can see how this film was a big influence on the stalking killer genre, but some of it was just too damn silly (i.e. the ending).

Most frightening image of 1950’s cinema: the mom’s dead body at the bottom of the river, the slit on her throat gaping wide open.

1 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: CIGARETTE BURNS (2005)

Director: John Carpenter

Synopsis: An eccentric rich dude (well played by always creepy Udo Kier) hires a movie expert to hunt down the only existing copy of a mysterious film, “Le Fin Absolue du Monde” that supposedly makes anyone who views it go insane or die.

My take: This is the best I’ve seen in the Masters of Horror series thus far, because it is the only one that breaks away from bland, overused horror conventions and does something different. The story is not totally original (a mix of Polanski’s The Ninth Gate, just with the quest for a film instead of a book, and The Ring, with the idea of a film that kills all who view it) but it is engaging for an hour. Despite leaning more towards suspense than ‘make-you-jump’ horror, there is plenty of blood and gore. While the other MoH episodes really stretch it to fill 60 minutes, I think Cigarette Burns could have done well as a full length movie, allowing for more character expansion. The main drawback to this one is that it sometimes goes a little over-the-top regarding the contents of “Le Fin Absolue du Monde”– it apparently contains footage of the de-winging of a actual angel (reminds me of the arthouse ‘classic’ Begotten) and was in fact produced by the devil himself. I almost stopped watching early on when Udo reveals he has the aforementioned angel in captivity, its life trapped in the film footage itself or some BS like that, Cigarette Burns could’ve done without that bit. But it is fairly worth it to keep watching.


Best use of innards: ***SPOILER*** When Udo finally gets his hands on the film, he goes insane and feeds his intestines into a movie projector and it gets projected up onto the movie screen.

Body Count: 5

2 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

MASTERS OF HORROR: DANCE OF THE DEAD (2005)

Director: Tobe Hooper

Synopsis: In a post-apocalyptic world where fire-twirlers and people with drums roam the streets, a nice, sheltered girl gets mixed up with a bad crowd. They get her wasted with what look like asthma inhalers and take her to a club called The Doom Room where the stage show consists of topless women using cattle prods on re-animated corpses to make them ‘dance’. The nice girl is shocked to find one of the corpses is someone she knows.

My take: A disappointing outing full of tired horror standards by Tobe Hooper, a director who helped pioneer the horror genre with classics like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist. Several Masters of Horror episodes have been real letdowns for me because of how run-of-the-mill they were, especially when the master horror directors were given free reign. I expected something at least mildly interesting from Hooper. Even with a ridiculous and predictable story, terrible dialogue, and awful acting (horror-icon Robert Englund himself only does so-so as the owner of The Doom Room), as I watched, I was just counting off the ways that this could have been done better and scarier. Hooper missed so many opportunities here.

One redeeming moment: The bitchy mother gets her due in the end.

Body Count: 4

1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces

ONE MISSED CALL (2003)

Director: Takashi Miike

Synopsis: Yumi’s friends start dying mysterious deaths after receiving phone calls from themselves in the future at the moment of their death. Yumi partners up with Yamashita, the brother of one of these victims, to get to the bottom of things, until Yumi herself receives the call…


My take: What a big, steaming pile of poo. I realized beforehand that this was a very cliché, mainstream effort from director Miike, but I held out hope that he would have put a little of his characteristic style into it, but this is not the case. The story, the deaths, the spooky moments, they were all pretty unoriginal and boring. The ending turns out to be all muddled up – the corpse that was calling everyone before their deaths turns out not to be the killer and tries to help save Yumi from the real killer who eventually possesses Yumi and tries to kill Yamashita but doesn’t succeed and then isn’t mentioned again? WTF? The characters act in ridiculous ways – instead of trying to save themselves, they put themselves right into danger. And the ending – after stabbing Yamashita and sending him to the hospital, Yumi visits him there with a knife hidden behind her back as a joke and they both have a good laugh? I bet the American re-make of this is a real gem.

Most ridiculous moment: Being attacked by a corpse whose skin is falling off in big chunks, Yumi doesn’t fight back, doesn’t try to get away, doesn’t scream – she just looks straight ahead, apparently unfazed.

1 out of 4 Zombie Faces

AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)

Director: Mary Harron

Synopsis: Patrick Bateman is a Wall Street banker in the 1980’s, enjoying all the things that his fortune can buy - expensive things, nice clothes, fancy restaurants, extravagant business cards, cocaine, prostitutes, etc.. However, this life is just an act – he fantasizes himself to be a homicidal maniac with a growing hatred for the world around him.

My take: This movie has so many great moments. Christian Bale’s incredible performance is what really makes this one stand out though, he makes Patrick Bateman’s character frequently hysterical and downright insane. The entire supporting cast turns in excellent performances as well. The story is solid and funny. The directing is magnificent, Harron captures the time period perfectly, down to the last detail. I've been able to watch this one over and over through the years. The only significant fault with the movie is that the ending is somewhat ambiguous. I understood the killings to all be in Bateman’s head, but the director and the writer seem to indicate they did actually occur. Oh well.


Best Death: When Bateman drops a chainsaw down a stairwell, timing it just right to impale a fleeing prostitute.

Favorite Line: "I just had to kill a LOT of people"

3 1/2 out of 4 Zombie Faces